September 30, 2015 3 minute read
My husband, Chett, and I are experiencing (grief is always present tense, it may change but it never goes away) one of the hardest things we could ever have imagined: we had to say goodbye to our precious baby boy even before we got to say hello. Our first little one, Grayson Ray, was stillborn in September 2013. Heartache and tears have become a familiar part of our lives – some days more than others. Yet, from the first few weeks through to the present, when it would seem unlikely, even impossible, to love fully and laugh wholeheartedly, I am so blessed to be able to say that we still do. Our hearts hurt, oh how they hurt, and yet we have learned how to hold hands with both grief and joy at the same time. Our love and marriage is such a treasure; our faith in Jesus, a stronghold.
Even though we have had another son since losing Grayson, he is always in our hearts; he is the one who first made us parents. He changed us – forever – and we knew it the instant we first held him. We could feel that we were different people than we were before that moment. It was out of this feeling and realization that I wrote a poem, only 4 weeks later…a simple attempt at expressing this heart change. And, even though it’s titled “A Mother’s Heart,” I know my husband can relate as one who has a father’s heart.
To all of you whose hearts know this kind of love and pain, I’m so so sorry for your loss and that we share that in common. May this day be gentle on you.
A Mother’s Heart
by Kat Fitchett
Thank-you my sweet and precious baby!
Thank-you for what you have given me:
A Mother’s Heart.
Thank-you my boy.
You have given me many treasured
and cherished moments and memories
that I will hold onto forever.
But, most of all, you have changed my heart
and given me a love I didn’t know I had before.
You’ve grown and stretched my heart.
You’ve deepened my ability to love.
You’ve changed the very depths of my heart,
my sweet boy.
There’s a fullness to my love that wasn’t there before you.
Thank-you my baby, my dear Little One.
Thank-you for giving me A Mother’s Heart.
I am blessed to be your Momma.
And I love you so very much.