Still: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Motherhood available now!

Rainbow Baby

Rainbow Baby
March 31, 2017 1 minute read

If you look up the term rainbow baby, you’ll find this: “A rainbow baby is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better.”

I often go back and forth between loving that and finding it so entirely wrong. Because nothing about Reid was a storm even though losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured. And if the grief from his loss is a storm and that particular storm were to end then doesn’t that imply that the pain of losing him would end too? That doesn’t sit well with me, because we will always miss and grieve our firstborn son. But more than that, I count everything to do with him a blessing. In life and in death. Confused? Me too.

Then I think about it in a different way. There doesn’t need to be a storm or it’s end for there to be a rainbow, does there? Just rain and sun coexisting together. This is life and pregnancy and parenthood after loss. Sorrow and joy holding hands through the beauty of life and the ache of loss. And from where I stand right now there is absolutely that rainbow—it’s just thanks to both my boys.

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